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  1. #1
    moonchild
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    glass cage heart / open









    "You destroy me. You are good for me.
    Devour me. Disfigure me to the point of ugliness... You destroy me.
    You are good for me."
    --Hiroshima, Mon Amour
















    Tug on my seasick heartstrings. For a year and two months -- two birthdays of mine -- I was adrift in the fog; not cold (a strum of one), not warm (two, the cello), no light (three, the voice).

    This was the synesthesia of my pain: a forever sound in my ears that surged and crested through my spine, heavy and heavier from the clockwork of internal organs to the organ pipes of my throat.

    Before I choke on the sound let me tell you -- my veins are opaque pathways under my skin, and they are singing.

    It is hardest to admit what you do not know. You were my sickness, my pieces flying from me, nails and hair and teeth in time to your song until there was nothing left to take, nothing left of me.









    Please feel free to share your own stories, poetry, or prose about unrequited love, lust, or unhealthy relationships, whether big or small.

    Public thread, open to anyone and everyone.
    Last edited by Circe; 06-12-2016 at 11:27 PM. Reason: hodor

  2. Likes Jayde Victori Liked this post
  3. #2
    moonchild
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    I'm every passing wind, I hope you feel me



    Stage one was denial, and I found you not long after.

    You know, I've thought... what is defining, the earth to water, or water to the earth?

    I loved him. He was mine. We were made for each other; I would marry him. He, my best friend, my brother.

    I loved him once, and then there was you.

    It's happening again; all the buildings are the same colour as the sky. I won't stop wondering if there was another me before me.

    You're the reason that I feel -- an explosion of soft green, sultry blue, suggestive pink. Something exploded inside me and it took days before I could see straight and I could have sworn I'd gone mad with an obsession that ate at my skin. You sliced my nerves with a razor blade, bruised my feet, slowly ripped out my arteries.

    And you, as a bullet, ripped through my womb and blossomed out my mouth.

    It's happening again, and you're pushing me away. I'm a comet hurtling straight for the sun, and you had he chance to catch me. I'm fucked because I still want you, and I still need you. I've put too much in you to let go, and I don't even know what this is.

    It's not enough that you know I exist. I'd rather sleep and know I'll dream of you, than be there when you aren't.

    I don't care
    I don't care

    You don't care.
    paralian.

  4. #3
    And she rose. phoenix-'s Avatar
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    i am terrified, you know. what if i never love anyone as much as i loved you? bastard that you are. narcissistic hopeless romantic who made me believe in fairy tales and picket fences and growing old together. you loved me and hurt me with a passion i didn't deserve. killed me to finally, finally, leave you that night. and again, to see you trying so hard to erase the memory of me from your life. liquor and women and silent, suffering me, watching from far, far away, clinging to the fervent hope that my wounds would heal and, i don't know, maybe you and i would be okay in the end.

    then to see your face again after so many months and wonder at the finality of it all. i was rendered silent by the eerie realization that i didn't love you anymore, but how -- oh god, how was i supposed to let you go? you held me like we never threw knives at one another. like our pictures hadn't found their way, shredded and tear-stained, into the ocean. like i was still yours.

    to be perfectly honest, i wondered, just for a second..

    but as much as i longed for you, wanted you with almost every little inch of me, i walked away again. forever this time, i kept saying. because i had him, and you had her, and it really was time to end this long-winding tragedy before the dying embers burst into flames again. we wouldn't have survived these fires a second time, i don't think. the truth was a part of me, the most important part, had already let you go. i just didn't know it at the time.

  5. #4
    entirely useless. irony's Avatar
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    Heaven and Earth

    I broke your heart because you deserve someone better than me.

    You were like a dream, ethereal and impossibly beautiful, the kind of woman that made the stars seem dim in comparison. When we were children playing on the same swing set, I would always marvel from the ground at just how high it seemed you could fly. I was certain that if you really wanted to you could leave that plastic seat behind and take off into the sky.

    I am a nobody. I have always been mediocre, a jack of all trades but master of none. While you achieved every goal you set with a graceful ease, I stumbled through life like a drunkard who couldn’t quite remember the way to the liquor store. The only thing I’ve ever had even a glimmer of talent at was spinning stories and even that was like a dying match compared to the roaring bonfires you created in your boredom.

    But I didn’t mind. I was always content to be the one pushing your swing. It never bothered me that my feet were firm on the ground as your hands reached for the sky. You trusted me to catch you if you fell – though you never did – and that was enough for me.

    I remember clearly the day when you asked me out. I remember the yellow sundress you wore and the way you peeked up at me shyly through your long hair, blue eyes bright in the sun. I remember the way you smiled when I said yes, the way you hugged me around the neck and demanded in that bossy way of yours that I stop laughing because it wasn’t funny and I was being a jerk.

    I remember even more clearly that day four years later when I lied to you on the phone. I had never heard you so upset or so angry. You didn’t believe me at first, so absolutely certain in that way only you could be that I did love you and there was no way I could have just been pretending that whole time. It took an hour before I convinced you that I thought you were an arrogant bitch and I wanted nothing more to do with you. An entire hour of double-edged strikes to your weakest points before you finally believed my flickering match was the truth.

    Because the real truth is that I still love you even now, years later. But if you had stayed with me, the man who is forever trapped on the ground, your wings would have inevitably been clipped. The dreams you had of a future exploring the stars would never come to life because you would have stayed with me and passed up the opportunity of a lifetime. You didn’t need me to push you anymore. You had long since had the ability to leave that plastic seat behind and take your place in the sky. The only thing that held you back was me.

    "I'm sorry." I whispered to the dial tone. The memory of your sobs would haunt my dreams to this day. "I'm so sorry."

  6. #5
    glass cage heart / open glass cage heart / open
    Circe's Avatar
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    MICHAEL


    because if people who can't forgive themselves find others who
    can because if people who can't chart their own
    course can borrow someone else's boat for a while just for a
    while

    he can't speak.  the saltwater and tentacles are beautiful have got his
    beautiful throat.  his eyes remind you of rich thick mud in the rain when the
    city is shimmering gold with water and you stand inches away not
    touching and there is nothing left but to say it's ok your
    boat will be ok and you will be ok and we will
    meet again and please don't
    cry
    Last edited by Circe; 07-14-2013 at 07:46 PM.
    pretty when you cry.

  7. #6
    grace under pressure MoonlitGrace's Avatar
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    "There are times when I doubt everything.
    When I regret everything you've taken from me,
    everything I've given you,
    and the waste of all the time I've spent on us."
    -David Levithan, The Lover's Dictionary


    say goodbye, gracie.

    Twenty one has been the worst possible year. The sex, the drinking, the careless, cavalier, can-I-find-any-other-words-that-begin-with-a-'c'-to-describe-just-how-awful, this has been.
    No. Because how can you describe something when you can't even remember how it started.

    it started with a boy

    Yeah, a boy. Not a man that he should have been, a man I should have loved. Just a boy, pretending. The charming, confident, 'I'm trying to do everything that I can to be a better person' kind of boy that is one big joke in the end, a joke that I fell for. Until very recently I still wanted him. It's been ten months since that day, it's been an entire semester since we last spoke.

    It's the worst
    you know
    when they don't even bother to say good bye
    I knew he'd leave eventually
    They all leave eventually
    But
    as much as I put into it
    he could have at least given me that

    we can't carry on like this

    No. We can't. I've had people tell me the only way to get over someone, is to get under someone else. So you know what I did? I trusted them. Which led me to heartbreaker number two.

    get out while you still can

  8. #7
    in technicolor. Khronos's Avatar
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    it's bitter.

    but you know.

    it's empty.

    but you know.



    convinced there's still something there, even when the idea of nothing has never been so real.

    & i'll wait.



    it's gone.

    but i don't know.

  9. #8
    swaying softly. dark paradise.'s Avatar
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    Alone,
    Alone in my room.
    I miss you.

    Just me, and myself.
    Slippin' under to feel
    Something, anything.

    Emotions, emotions take over.
    Another day, a day without you.

    I take me in, and let me out.
    It's hard to live with myself.

    Keep building up those walls,
    Block everyone out.

    Things I can't explain to others,
    But appreciate.
    Your love had an impact I'll never forget,
    Please don't forget me.

    Close my eyes,
    Sorrow sinks in.

    Don't you worry,
    My dear,
    A fantasy awaits.

    He'll never know it,
    But he never left in your dreams.

  10. #9
    And she rose. phoenix-'s Avatar
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    Let's start at: one,
    And count the days..


    March 2012 feels like yesterday.
    Miss the scratch of your cheek,
    Kisses on my collarbone,
    Fingers through my hair.
    Late night coffee runs,
    Drive-in theaters,
    And abandoned Vegas rooftops.

  11. #10
    moonchild
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    paralian.

  12. #11
    moonchild
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    paralian.

  13. #12
    moonchild
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    1. I’m lonely so I do lonely things
    2. Loving you was like going to war; I never came back the same.
    3. You hate women, just like your father and his father, so it runs in your blood.
    4. I was wandering the derelict car park of your heart looking for a ride home.
    5. You’re a ghost town I’m too patriotic to leave.
    6. I stay because you’re the beginning of the dream I want to remember.
    7. I didn’t call him back because he likes his girls voiceless.
    8. It’s not that he wants to be a liar; it’s just that he doesn’t know the truth.
    9. I couldn’t love you, you were a small war.
    10. We covered the smell of loss with jokes.
    11. I didn’t want to fail at love like our parents.
    12. You made the nomad in me build a house and stay.
    13. I’m not a dog.
    14. We were trying to prove our blood wrong.
    15. I was still lonely so I did even lonelier things.
    16. Yes, I’m insecure, but so was my mother and her mother.
    17. No, he loves me he just makes me cry a lot.
    18. He knows all of my secrets and still wants to kiss me.
    19. You were too cruel to love for a long time.
    20. It just didn’t work out.
    21. My dad walked out one afternoon and never came back.
    22. I can’t sleep because I can still taste him in my mouth.
    23. I cut him out at the root, he was my favorite tree, rotting, threatening the foundations of my home.
    24. The women in my family die waiting.
    25. Because I didn’t want to die waiting for you.
    26. I had to leave, I felt lonely when he held me.
    27. You’re the song I rewind until I know all the words and I feel sick.
    28. He sent me a text that said “I love you so bad.”
    29. His heart wasn’t as beautiful as his smile
    30. We emotionally manipulated one another until we thought it was love.
    31. Forgive me, I was lonely so I chose you.
    32. I’m a lover without a lover.
    33. I’m lovely and lonely.
    34. I belong deeply to myself.

    — 34 Reasons We Failed at Love, Warsan Shire

    paralian.

  14. #13
    super amateur man peli-sopher's Avatar
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    Smoke

    You breathe them cigarettes
    like smoke-stacks;
    pointed cannons to the delirious
    sky, falling sky.

    I inhale it:
    the dirty, vapid fumes
    digging black trenches
    in the ridges of my teeth.

    I stopped asking you
    to put it out,
    drive the stake
    into Nosferatu’s heart.

    It would’ve been easy
    to take those stained lips
    from the bottomless pint
    and admit we’ve died.

    We could’ve walked away,
    you east – you wanted to teach;
    I west – to America, but
    no – we are nothing.

    Nothing – to the bar we preach.
    Nothing – in the kiss of the needle.
    Nothing – drinking soup
    with monochrome hands.

    We are nothing to the world,
    and void to each-other –
    let’s drink to that.
    Look, mum -- I have a signature!

  15. #14
    moonchild
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    set me free
    paralian.

  16. #15
    moonchild
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    “People always say that it hurts at night
    and apparently screaming into your pillow at 3am
    is the romantic equivalent of being heartbroken.
    But sometimes
    it’s 9am on a tuesday morning
    and you’re standing at the kitchen bench waiting for the toast to pop up

    And the smell of dusty sunlight and earl gray tea makes you miss him so much
    you don’t know what to do with your hands.”
    — On Missing Them, Rosie Scanlan

    paralian.

  17. #16
    SleepDeprived Corpse Callista's Avatar
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    You were born to seduce
    I was raised to endure

    I fell for it again
    An illusion of secure


    “It's difficult to wait for someone.
    It's difficult to forget someone.
    But the most difficult thing is to decide,
    whether to wait or to forget.”
    ― Hannah Mae Bencio

  18. #17
    ††† Odette's Avatar
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    Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.

    — Caitlyn Siehl

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